a digital common place book | an @s_m_i production | one of a few

women who are anything less than modest about their accomplishments are harmed interpersonally. Men can also do themselves damage by being boastful, but we expect them to be aggressive. It hurts them far, far less than it hurts women.

Because of this bias, women will do better in organizations where managers are expected to advance the case for their people—where that’s the cultural norm.

- File under: reason 2025 why so-called ‘no hierarchy’ workplaces are often particularly difficult for women. More from the piece:

we’ve found that having an agent or advocate can be very helpful [in career or salary negotiations]
There are two benefits associated with having an agent when, say, you’re being considered or recruited for a position. One is that you’re perceived as more prestigious if someone is advocating for you. That’s the authority principle in action.
The liking principle also comes into play. If you have to be a broker of information about yourself, you often appear self-aggrandizing, and it rubs people the wrong way. In the research we did, we found that if an advocate for a candidate makes demands that are based on the candidate’s merits, it doesn’t harm the candidate. But if the candidate argues the very same case, it does. The people on the receiving end just don’t like that person, who comes off as a braggart.
This is especially relevant for women.

The Uses (and Abuses) of Influence - Harvard Business Review

A.A. was founded in 1935 by two men who believed that alcohol dependence could be tamed by regular attendance at group meetings with other recovering alcoholics. Its doctrine calls for members to tame their egos, abstain from all drinking and acknowledge they are in the grip of a force they can combat only with help from a “higher power.”

It doesn’t take an advanced degree in gender studies to realize that this approach—which has worked well for millions of people—may not be perfect for women whose biggest problem is not an excess of ego but a lack of it. Women are twice as likely to suffer from depression and anxiety as men—and are far more likely to medicate those conditions with alcohol.

Many women who drink heavily are also the victims of sexual abuse and have had eating disorders. The idea of being powerless can underscore a woman’s sense of vulnerability, researchers say. “Women need to feel powerful, not like victims of something beyond their control,” says Dr. Barnes. “It gives women power to feel they themselves can change.”

Twitter vs Female Protagonists in Video Games


Above is a tweet I made this afternoon in reaction to the fact that none of the games presented at Microsoft’s Xbox One E3 press conference featured female protagonists. Below are some of the Twitter replies to that observation which exemplify the male privilege and male entitlement endemic in the gaming community today. This is also a window into what it’s like to be a female video game critic on twitter.

1. @simplyflyinimage

2. @A_Hint_of_Shitimage

3. @Triosemimage

4. @DavidBostock93image

5. @Jamie_Breretonimage

6. @SethForsmanimage

7. @Beefheart82image

8. @AzEHeaD15image

9. @NickFuckypuimage

10. @JLB_esquireimage

11. @MathiasKaizerimage

12. @About20Donutsimage

13. @RogerLateralusimage

14. @izashid29image

15. @BEATandDELETEimage

16. @B_Razzimage

17. @twerk_king69image

18. @Epsilon_Fiveimage

19. @Spyrolicimage

20. @itwasagoodtimeimage

21. @JerkfaceMcGeeimage

22. @patq911image

23. @r0bz0rzimage

24. @JimPheeimage

25. @Pootslapimage

26. @Pokefan1223image

27. @Auriniimage

28. @yuttimage

29. @HennersQuackimage

30. @GabeAsterdimage

31. @MundaBricimage

32. @DoctorWatkinsimage

33. @xTheShad0wZimage

34. @GangWarlordimage

35. @le_mecimage

36. @coolguyquietessimage

37. @OldMileyimage

38. @TheChad118image

39. @dodgykebaabimage

40. @urafagetimage

41. @BJ_Dicksonimage

42. @Bloodergoimage

43. @Uneternalimage

44. @The_Master_Eimage

45. @TheVidyaBoyimage

46. @danier_sanimage

47. @ReissDJOimage

48. @mrdizzyimage

49. @IntelMinerimage

50. @AliAdelMohamedimage

Will not stop speaking up about this.

it is possible to be too good. The unassuming Mary Wrightly, a “good, polite little girl who spoke in a small, soft voice” and the heroine of “Mary Wrightly, So Politely,” by Shirin Yim Bridges (“Ruby’s Wish”), finds that retiring girls don’t always get what they want or deserve. Often, they are simply ignored.
- ‘Sometimes you just have to tell people what you want. And what this smart, affecting and original story wants is some well-deserved attention’

‘Mary Wrightly, So Politely,’ by Shirin Yim Bridges - NYTimes.com

The study’s authors noted that female passengers were generally less likely to ride in unpopulated cars and often tried to position themselves relatively near to a conductor, presumably out of “personal security concerns.” Because still, in the 21st century, that’s part of the day-to-day routine for most women: having to be a little bit more scared than everyone else, and planning your day around potential attacks you have to assume people will try to enact on you. Really, pretty fun.
- 'part of the day-to-day routine for most women: having to be a little bit more scared than everyone else'

The Psychology of the New York Subway Rider, Decoded | Brooklyn Abridged

The thing about being a little black girl in the world who is already, at nine years old, confident enough to demand that lazy, disrespectful reporters call you by your name, is that most people will not understand the amount of comfort in one’s own skin it takes to do that, will not be able to grasp the sheer fierceness of it, the boldness, the certainty, the love for yourself, and will not be blown away at seeing you do it, though they should be.​

The thing about being a little black girl in the world is that your right to be a child, to be small and innocent and protected, will be ignored and you will be seen as a tiny adult, a tiny black adult, and as such will be susceptible to all the offenses that people two and three and four times your age are expected to endure.

But take heart.​

Secondly, let’s assume for a moment that it’s true that women aren’t as assertive as men. Let’s assume that there’s some sort of biological imperative that causes women to focus more on doing good work rather than jockeying for attention and respect from their peers. Why is the conclusion, then, that *women* should change to gain equality?

What do I say when the interviewer asks who’s taking care of my kids?


“It’s an illegal question so you can lie. I think one of the most effective lies in this situation is to say your mother or mother-in-law takes care of the kids. Say that it’s a great setup because she’s always dreamed of taking care of grandchildren and you always knew you’d want to work. Women do not need everyone to be their psychologist. When a woman interviews, she decided she wants to work. She is an adult. The world does not need to treat her like an incompetent imbecile who did not think of the ramifications of work before she interviewed. Do you think that interviewer asks men who is taking care of their kids? And if that interviewer did ask men that question, the men would think the interviewer is nuts. Which is what women should think: that the interviewer is nuts.”

Jacob Epstein: What do I say when the interviewer asks who’s taking care of my kids? 

Tagged: #women #gender #work